I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
