haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
