True but thats because hes a fetus.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
