On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
