go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize