You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
