He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
