I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How's work?
Spinning.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
