On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
