So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
