True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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