Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
