You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
