I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize