i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
