So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
