and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
