I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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