We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
