Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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