I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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