Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
