The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
