They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
