I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
