Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if i died would you start the facebook group?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
