i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
