You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
