where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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