If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
