Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize