How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
