Your face is a jimmy john
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
