id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
