i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My breasts were aching with rage.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
