I want to walk on stilts...naked
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
50% drunk capacity currently
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
