so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
