I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
