Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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