Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
