got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
