Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
