My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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