I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
