for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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