i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
