Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
