I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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