yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
