I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
