perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
