I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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