Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
