my soul wont recognize me after tonight
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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