so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
