you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
