Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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