yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Your penis caused this!
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