I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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