I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
