Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
