So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
