i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
