i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
