just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
