I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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