I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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