We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
