dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
